Thursday, January 23, 2014

Sorry for the typos - Who changed Blogger? It's the worst!!

8th Angel Anniversary

Today Brett is 8 years an angel. I find that statement a little strange as I write it because I deeply felt that Brett was pretty much an angel the entire time I knew him. He light up my life, made me a better person, shared his love of life with everyone, did good works, cared for the poor and the ill, search for the good in all things...isn't that the definition of an angel? I think so. I know no better description of what an angel is than that description of Brett. He had all the best traits that you could ever ask for in a person. As I've said before he was what I would have liked to be when I grew up, good looking, smart and popular and with a heart as big as the universe.

In these 8 years I have grown to acknowledge and accept that Brett was not mine to keep. He was here for a reason much bigger than my needs. His reason for being was fulfilled and that was to save others from the danger of salvia. He had to leave in a most unexpected way but that was part of the heavenly plan. Mine is not to question why. I have great comfort in knowing that I packed his short life with what would be a whole lifetime of experiences. I don't know many teens who have been all over the world, hosteling all over the country, drove a 66 Mustang (if only for a short time!! I wasn't brave enough to give him my baby entirely!), played a vintage guitar and drum set, wore the coolest clothes, and just totally experienced every new moment as if it were his last. Brett knew how to live! I'm just so happy that I was here for the ride. My amazing boy, the best son ever, I miss you every single moment of the day.

Now cracks a noble heart. Good-night, sweet prince;

And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest. ”

Monday, September 9, 2013

Today Would Have Been Brett's 25th Birthday

If only he were here to celebrate...

It seems as if each year something wonderful happens around Brett's birthday. This year I had a chance encounter with one of Brett's best friends who I haven't seen since his funeral. I will never forget what he told me when we ran into each other. He said "I can tell you, 150%, that Brett made me the man I am today. I am such a better person for having known him and being able to be a part of his life. There will never be another Brett." How lucky Brett was to have such wonderful friends.

And another milestone on the war against salvia - this week Texas outlawed salvia.  A long time coming and hopefully my communications with state legislators there made a difference. As Brett looks down on us on his 25th b'day he knows that I'll never give up this fight. One day salvia will be regulated nationwide. I have all the time in the world to make it so. I wish Brett did as well.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Brett's 7th Angel Anniversary

Seven years ago today Brett became an angel. Not the earthly angel that we knew him to be but a heavenly one meant to watch over and protect us.
I really felt his presence yesterday as I visited his school, then Gibraltar, his favorite place to volunteer, and fhen finally his gravesite. It was a difficult day but a necessary part of telling his story for a new expose on salvia. This is one that I feel  has a lot of potential to shed more light on this insidious drug. I never cease to be amazed that all these years later this drug is still legal.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Salvia and "Depersonalization"

I just saw this quote from a salvia user and it made me think this is what Brett must have gone thru, unbeknowst to all of us. This has to be one of the scariest as well as saddest things I've ever read when it comes to salvia. Why would you use something that sends you to the brink of insanity, with no clear proof that you'll ever make it back alive? Kids, as Brett did, think they're invincible, untouchable and nothing evil can happen to them. If this were only true.

"There is a thread in the Salvia Divinorum section which discusses many accounts and explanations of users who have experienced long-lasting depersonalization/derealization after the use of Salvia. I have been going through these feelings for the past few weeks now, believing that I am well on my way into schizophrenic insanity. "

I just keep coming back to the same question - WHY is this drug legal when people write that it makes them feel like this? Is no one caring, watching, reading what our young people are writing?

Monday, January 23, 2012

Brett's 6th Angel Anniversary

Today mark 6 years since Brett became an angel, leaving us here to wish we had more time with him. I will be eternally grateful for the 17 wonderful years I was able to spend with him. I guess I should say 16.5 years were wonderful and the months that he got hooked on salvia, those were not so wonderful. Even at his worst he was still so funny, smart and oh-so-hard not to love. His girlfriend told me just last week that he was the most caring, kind and loving boyfriend she ever had, still, 6 years later. I wish the best for Lauren and hope that someday she can meet someone exactly like Brett. We know that's not possible but there has to be someone for her that come close to Brett's goodness and kindness. He would want that for her. As she reminded me (not that she needed to) he watches over us still and keeps up safe, every single day. As much as I want for him to be here with us I gain strength knowing he's my family's guardian angel, looking out for us every moment. Sweet angel Brett, peace and love to you this day and always.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Brett's 23rd Birthday

Brett would have been 23 day today. Last weekend we had what I called a "Brett Fest". We watched some of his home movies he made over the years, from about age 11 until his death. I came away with so many wonderful thoughts of Brett - his amazing sense of humor and just straight up no holds barred love of life and a good laugh. I have never, ever known a kid who had more crazy fun in his life than Brett. I just laughed and laughed right along with him. You couldn't helped but be touched by his total lack of pretense and sheer unadulterated happiness. It was contagious and it comes through so clearly in all his videos.
He just amazed me at how life was always a glass totally full for him. I always felt he was so lucky and I used to kid him and tell him "Brett you're what I want to be when I grow, good looking and popular." He had all those attributes and more.

And after watching him having such a blast with all his friends and cousins I just had this crystal clear moment of truth that swept over me. It was just an overwhelming sense of total affirmation of what I believed all along - he did not take his life, salvia did. It stopped him dead in his tracks and brought his happy, fun filled life to a screeching halt. He was railroaded by a drug that he was powerless to stop.

We so wish you were here with us sweet, sweet Brett on your birthday, and every day.