I just finished a phone call with a reporter from a Sacramento, CA newspaper and thought, for the millionth time, how incredibly hard it is to recount the story of Brett's death over and over again. How do you do justice to such a promising life unfinished? How do I explain Brett's charm, his wit, his quiet confidence, his unfailing steadfastness in all he believed? Talk about an impossible task.
A friend sent me this quote today and it really hit home:
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
I have definitely stared fear in the face and lived to tell the tale since Brett died. I have never been so fearful, in my entire life, as I was getting up to speak in front of our state senate. I will remember that horrible, horrible feeling the rest of my days. Knowing I had to keep it together to convey, without question, the story of my most incredible son's life. Nothing has been harder, and I've faced some tough challenges. I know more are to come, but I'm feel some days as if I'm made of steel and I can't be defeated. Tougher and stronger than I ever imagined. I always knew I possessed those qualities, in spades, but this whole Salvia debacle and losing Brett has proven that to me beyond a shadow of a doubt.