Remember this....

It is not only what we do, but also what we do not do, for which we are accountable.
Moliere

I first heard this quote immediately after Brett's death and it made me realize that we had no choice but to go forward with our campaign against Salvia Divinorum. If we did not do anything what kind of parents would we be? What would our son think if he were here and we did not take up the cause against the thing that took his life? I could not face Brett today if I did not do that which I was accountable for... making his death stand for something. Brett did not die in vain, he led us to discovery of something most of us would never know.

Also, this quote makes me think of Brett and all the volunteer work he did. That has become the main focus of my life since his passing. Before his death he was my main focus, with service and volunteer work being a close second. Today, without his being here, it has become my number one goal. To serve others is to gain peace for myself. Yesterday I wheeled patients around for 3 hours and today I wrote a letter asking for a grant for a woman who has no money to buy the most simple things in life, bread, milk,... What are you accountable for today?

Father's Day

After being bombarded by Father's Day ads, which I mindfully ignore after losing my wonderful dad so many years ago to cancer, I thought of this picture of Brett and his father. This is my favorite picture of Brett and his dad. Those two could NOT have loved each other more. This was taken by one of Dennis' goofball fishing buddies, hence Brett's "not so enthusiastic" smile. I remember him telling me that XXX had taken his picture outside of church on Easter morning and he was none too happy about it. Regardless, I'm glad he did as I look at this picture often and remember all the happy times these two fun loving guys had together.

So I will remember on Father's Day that not only did I lose the most important person in my life but Dennis has as well. We will never be the same, the happy go lucky threesome that we were, all the way until Brett's death.

SALVIA REGULATED IN VIRGINIA JULY 1, 2008

I just received an email from a reporter in Washington, DC who informed me that my work in Virginia has paid off and that Salvia will be regulated July 1. She said "Way to go Kathy!!" but I say "Way to go, State of Virginia!!"

Now I wonder when the rest of the country is going to wake up and be as proactive as the states that have learned of Brett's story. More importantly when is the FDA and DEA going to get on the bandwagon and do what they should have long ago? If they had been doing their jobs 2 years ago maybe Brett would still be here today.

APRIL 29 - FIRST SALVIA LAW PASSES IN CA

Thanks to the hard work of Assemblyman Adams of CA the first Salvia bill, AB259 passed today in Sacramento. (Talk about a strange coincidence - the bill is the EXACT same number as our HB259, "Brett's Law" in DE!) This was a huge undertaking for him as CA is the most liberal state in the country and is much more concerned with the overcrowding of their prison system than putting a law on the books that will protect their young children and teenagers. Regardless he was able to have this bill pass the state Assembly and go on to the Senate. I was very proud to be a part of it and am grateful to him for bringing me out to California to tell the real story of Brett's demise due to Salvia. It was also wonderful to meet Dr. Samuels from Wonderland Treatment Center in LA in person and to see how passionate he is about the threat of this drug to our country. He makes me look tame!

Also, many thanks to Elizabeth, Assemblyman Adam's aide and to all the reporters, way too many to mention, who interviewed me and realized how important this story really is. I also learned, for the first time, that the initial study of Salvia on humans has just been completed and its' findings are that salvia causes depression. No surprise there as I've known that since Brett's death. Even though we didn't see it he obviously had to be suffering from it. It is such a tribute to my son's sheer strength of will that he was able to keep everything together in his last days and no one, not even his girlfriend with whom he was inseparable, knew that he was suffering so badly from his salvia use that he was contemplating taking his own life. Brett really was a warrior, who accomplished every thing he set his mind to, and even though we know he wanted nothing more than to LIVE a happy life together with Lauren, he was no match for this drug.

I really felt his presence as I spoke before the CA Senate. I could almost hear him saying "Go Mom, go!" I knew he was smiling down on me and felt his strength become mine. Brett, you are amazing, in heaven, just as you were on earth. Love you so much sweetie.

Danielle, the heroine!

Danielle, Brett's cousin, one of his closest friends, and the one he confided in about his extensive Salvia use, made her first TV appearance yesterday and told the real story of Brett's life. I wish I could have been there Danielle, but you did a most incredible job. You brought Brett to life for all the thousands of people who watched you so eloquently tell his story. Daniellius, as Brett called you, he would would be SO proud of you!! You faced the 3 idiotic users with such grace and conviction. I could never have been as composed as you. You did the Chidester family proud. We love you and know that Brett is looking down cheering you on for telling what really happened in his last days.

And thank you to Dr. Howard Samuels of Wonderland Treatment Center in LA who finally told the world what I've known since the minute Brett died. SALVIA KILLS!

"Remaining at Courage"

I just finished a phone call with a reporter from a Sacramento, CA newspaper and thought, for the millionth time, how incredibly hard it is to recount the story of Brett's death over and over again. How do you do justice to such a promising life unfinished? How do I explain Brett's charm, his wit, his quiet confidence, his unfailing steadfastness in all he believed? Talk about an impossible task.

A friend sent me this quote today and it really hit home:
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
Eleanor Roosevelt.

I have definitely stared fear in the face and lived to tell the tale since Brett died. I have never been so fearful, in my entire life, as I was getting up to speak in front of our state senate. I will remember that horrible, horrible feeling the rest of my days. Knowing I had to keep it together to convey, without question, the story of my most incredible son's life. Nothing has been harder, and I've faced some tough challenges. I know more are to come, but I'm feel some days as if I'm made of steel and I can't be defeated. Tougher and stronger than I ever imagined. I always knew I possessed those qualities, in spades, but this whole Salvia debacle and losing Brett has proven that to me beyond a shadow of a doubt.

January 23, 2008 - 2 Years Gone

I can't believe it's been two years since I've seen my sweet boy's face. Some days it feels like forever, some day it seems like just yesterday. I console myself with the fact that the last memory I have of us together, the very last minute, was the two of us standing in the dining room, hugging, and me telling him how much I loved him, and he telling me the same. If I had to write my last moment with Brett I guess I couldn't top how it actually occurred. So, for that, I am eternally grateful. I think of all the parents, one of whom I know, who left their kids off at school, or a friend's house, or wherever, and they've had a fight and many angry words have been exchanged. What parent doesn't know that scenario. They leave in silence or one slams the door or one of them finishes with one parting shot at the other. How horrible that must be, and it's something that can never be taken back or changed. So, I thank the Lord every day, that my last memory of Brett is such a wonderful one. He knew at that last moment, as he did his entire life, that his mom loved him with every ounce of her being. Without him being here, that's really my lasting comfort.

MORE SALVIA NEWS: Thanks I hope in part to my efforts, 2 more states (California and Virginia) have begun the process of regulating Salvia in their states. Both asked me for a letter about Brett's life, what he was like and how Salvia changed him. They loved the letter and it was read before their legislature, as I couldn't be there to do it personally. Wouldn't it be wonderful to be able to fly wherever and whenever I was needed but that's just not a possibility. I think it is so important to put a name and face to this tragedy, but it's just not feasible to be able to do that each time a bill comes up for vote.

Below is info on the VA bill: (California's passed unanimously out of the House and will now go to the Senate. It's a very watered down version of "Brett's Law" but in such a liberal state as California just getting a bill as such on the records is an achievement. )

A bill to ban salvia divinorum unanimously passed in the Virginia House of Delegates this week, bringing the currently legal drug one step closer to strict regulation.
Salvia is a powerful hallucinogen - some say as strong as LSD. It's the subject of thousands of YouTube.com videos showing bong-smoking teens "tripping" on the substance.
A species of the mint family, salvia can be legally purchased over the Internet or from specialty shops. The dried leaves are available in various degrees of potency, and people smoke them for a high that can last a few minutes or up to half an hour.
Delegate John O'Bannon, (R-Henrico), who is also a neurosurgeon, introduced the bill to outlaw salvia after receiving suggestions from law enforcement officials.
"It's really not a pleasant thing to take. It can cause bad trips, dysphoria and sweats," O'Bannon said. Dysphoria is a general feeling of physical discomfort, anxiety and discontent.
On Tuesday, delegates voted 98-0 in favor of O'Bannon's legislation, House Bill 21. The bill will now go on to the Virginia Senate for consideration. It has been referred to the Senate Committee on Education and Health.
According to the U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency, salvia causes hallucinations, a perception of overlapping realities and a loss of body, dizziness and impaired speech.
The plant, which is native to the province of Oaxaca in Mexico, is not regulated on the federal level, but at least seven states have salvia laws on the books. For centuries, the Mazatec Indians of southern Mexico have used salvia in shamanistic rituals.
More recently, salvia has proliferated on the Internet and at college-area paraphernalia shops.
"I think the Internet has actually driven this. I think the Internet is one of the reasons why it's actually spread out of the local indigenous areas in Mexico, where it's been around forever," said O'Bannon.
His bill would make salvia a Schedule I hallucinogen. This would place the substance in the same class of penalties as LSD, PCP, Ecstasy and cannabis.
O'Bannon said salvia potentially has harmful effects, citing the suicide of Brett Chidester, a Delaware teenager whose parents blame salvia for their son's suicide. Delaware has since banned the substance.